i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
