It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
