I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want her autograph on my taint
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
