they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
