don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
