I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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