i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
