He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
