I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
