You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize