The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
