watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
