you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
