we're blogging at a bar
Is it because I queefed?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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