i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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