he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I could fuck to npr.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
