as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
