Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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