Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
