he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
