We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
