what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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