i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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