lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
