The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
