I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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