I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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