those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize