Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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