I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
