my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
