Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I've blown a few things in my day
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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