I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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