I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
