i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
why is half of my head shaved?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
