You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
