I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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