so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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