From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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