we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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