I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
