I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
