when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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