They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
