You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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