How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
