We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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