Plan B is the new Plan A
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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