You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
