There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
