I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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