T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
