I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
