She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize