I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
