You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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