Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
