dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
