I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
