apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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