its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i think my cat just said my name.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
