I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Farmville is her only friend.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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