I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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