she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
