just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I checked into jail on foursquare
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
