I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
